I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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