We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
