This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
