It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My dick has a subreddit
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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