This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
