im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
