Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
