puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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