He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
