oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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