how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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