He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
