Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
