hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
