I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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