are you so shy because you have an std?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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