told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize