sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
