evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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