My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
