I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
