Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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