Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
