i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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