So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
