3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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