...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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