when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
