You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
