i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
