So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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