Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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(845): View more from New York

maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night

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(540): View more from Virginia

so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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(914): View more from New York

Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.

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(817): View more from Texas

You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

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(614): View more from Ohio

I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it

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