I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
