I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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