My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
