I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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