he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
