im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
