if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
