Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
