sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
