Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
