I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
