just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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