It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
