he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
