I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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