I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's blow job season.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
