Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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