anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize