On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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