Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
