Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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