new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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