Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
