I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
