I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
