I was born with a shot glass in my hand
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
then he tried to convert me to islam
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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