im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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