woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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