If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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