we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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