She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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