she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am available for nakedness
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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