I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize