It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
