its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
