and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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