I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
