He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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