Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
