How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
