She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
