You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
