He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
